Patricia van der Leun

Patricia van der Leun is Deborah Feldman’s literary agent and mentor, the publishing professional who helps convert Feldman’s anonymous writing and longing for a different life into a concrete plan for a book. Her role is pivotal less because she rescues Feldman than because she gives practical form to an ambition Feldman has begun to pursue for herself: write a proposal, sell the idea, and make a life beyond the world she has outgrown.

Introduction and First Meeting

Patricia enters Feldman’s account after Polly has circulated Feldman’s blog among publishing contacts. An agent has already emailed, leaving Feldman overwhelmed by both the scale of the opportunity and the prospect that it might vanish. Her question is no longer merely whether her private thoughts can be written down; it is how to prove herself worthy of publication. The encounter with Patricia gives that uncertainty a human face and a next step.

Feldman drives into the city to meet her, changing clothes in the car. Beneath the long black skirt and long-sleeved sweater, she wears trousers from The Limited, a short-sleeved silk shirt patterned with tiny flowers, and high-heeled black pumps. She describes the trousers sliding over her calves and the sound of her heels as she walks along Madison Avenue. In the windows she sees herself as unusually tall and powerful, unlike the figure she associates with a dowdy skirt. The clothing is not simply a change of outfit: it makes visible the possibility of moving through the city without being defined by the appearance expected of her.

At the café, Polly greets Feldman, while Patricia initially fails to recognize her as the Hasidic woman seeking literary representation. Once she understands who Feldman is, Patricia tells her, “You are nothing like I expected,” and adds, “You’re so glamorous.” Feldman is secretly delighted. She takes Patricia’s surprise as confirmation that she can blend into this setting rather than stand out as she has in her former life. The meeting therefore joins a professional introduction to a personal test of visibility: Feldman arrives identified by her Hasidic background and finds that, in this new environment, she can also be seen as someone who belongs.

Advice and the Book Proposal

Patricia’s most consequential contribution is concrete instruction. She gives Feldman titles about writing and publishing, then explains that the next step is a proposal: a sales pitch for the book’s idea, used to sell the project before writing the book itself. She describes the time such a proposal can require, from at least three months to as long as a year. Feldman goes home resolved to spend every free hour on it and determined to write the fastest proposal ever written.

That urgency is tied to Feldman’s sense of possibility. She thinks of the book as a ticket out and wants to cash it in as soon as she can; she also recognizes that she has grown too big to fit back into her old world. Patricia supplies a publishing process, not a guarantee of escape. The distinction matters: the advice gives Feldman a task she can undertake, while the labor and decision to pursue it remain hers. In the sequence of the memoir, a conversation about proposal-writing turns an opening that had seemed precarious into work with a method and a timetable.

Mentorship and Professional Recognition

The meeting’s contrast between expectation and appearance does not exhaust Patricia’s importance. In the acknowledgments, Feldman names her as both agent and mentor, crediting her advice with steering her in the right direction. That retrospective recognition places the earlier meeting within a longer professional relationship: Patricia’s guidance is remembered not as a single endorsement but as continuing counsel during Feldman’s development as a writer.

Feldman also acknowledges the editor and publishing team at Simon & Schuster, distinguishing Patricia’s guidance from the later work of editing and producing the manuscript. The distinction gives Patricia a defined place in the book’s making. She helps Feldman approach publication and navigate its demands; other collaborators help shape and prepare the manuscript. The memoir’s account thus presents literary agency as both an entry point into publishing and a sustained relationship of advice, rather than as a moment of discovery alone.

Narrative Significance

Patricia’s significance lies in the bridge she helps Feldman cross between secret self-expression and a public writing life. As a child, Feldman had coveted the freedom authors seemed to possess to put their innermost thoughts on paper. Years later, she wants to be free to acknowledge her true self and to stand, in imagination, on a library shelf among those authors. Patricia’s guidance gives that desire a practical form: reading about the craft and business, preparing a proposal, and pursuing representation.

The memoir also frames this story as a remembered and shaped account. Its prefatory note says that the names and identifying characteristics have been changed, while incidents are true but may be compressed, consolidated, or reordered; dialogue approximates remembered conversations. Patricia is therefore presented through Feldman’s retrospective narrative, including the striking café encounter and the later acknowledgment of mentorship, rather than as an independently narrated figure. Within that account, her role remains specific and consequential: she recognizes a prospective author, offers a route into publishing, and helps Feldman turn the wish to be seen and heard into a book project.